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A Letter To My Ex

1/29/2018

11:00 PM

Hi. How have you been?

I hope you’re doing fine. Well as I can see from your social media platforms, you’re doing wonderful and I am more than happy for you.

Firstly, I mean you no harm by writing this open letter, I seriously don’t. I just want to let you know that I’ve been doing fine as well. It took me a year (I hope) to completely get over you. You see it wasn’t that easy. Even if I no longer care about how you are doing, your grades, your health but it was extremely hard because most of my friends are your friends too and they just can’t keep their mouth shut about you (dreadful to say the very least). I honestly wanted nothing to do with you but as you can witness, rumors spread fast so I would like to clear any misunderstandings about that, okay? I tak busy body pun, orang bagitahu I je.

A liar I would claim myself to be if I told people I didn’t stalk you. Of course, I did and that was probably the dumbest, most absurd thing I have ever done to myself at the moment. When I watch your updates, your life right now, it took me down memory lane. Remember all those promises we’ve made? The dates we planned? The fight we had? Seeing you doing all those things now with another girl when it was supposed to be me, literally tears my heart down to pieces, bit by bit. Plus, how can I forget that smile of yours. Hahahaha.

But you guys look happy together and for that I am just, frankly, so happy for the both of you. You told me she suits your style, she understands you more than I do and for that I am glad she has you. To comfort you on your sorrowful days, draw smiles on your face when you’re sad, attend your rugby tournaments and give you all of her support. I am thrilled to actually find out that you’re doing just fine.

Just putting my heart out here, my feelings towards you during the old days were pure. I looked at you back then and I had no worries. Everything was amazing. I did love you wholeheartedly, even if it was just for awhile.

What went wrong?

Was it you or was it me?

Okay, let’s not go there.

You see, last year only became tougher. I entered college, met new friends, experienced new surroundings, made new memories, and most importantly I learned a lot. Unexpectedly, everywhere I go, there will always be people who remind me of you. Your school, the sport you play, etc so yeah it’s been devastatingly hard to get over you. Sometimes I thought I did, sometimes I knew I didn’t and that cycle goes on and on.

But I’ve moved on now. I’ve been trying to open my heart to accept other people too. To let them in and cope with them. Because of what happened between us, because of you, I no longer trusted people. Yes, people might have not noticed it but my trust issues peaked. I didn’t let them in. I stayed in my own lane and minded my own business and yes, I takde boyfriend lagi. Maybe in the future I suppose? Hopefully. There’s this one guy who I’ve been in contact with recently and I’ll just see how it goes but for the time being we’re just friends. Or maybe a little more? I don’t know. I’ve been trying to acknowledge that fact but I never did trust anyone or let anyone truly into my life after you, and for that I am worried. I no longer want to break hearts because I know the feeling of being one.

Just one piece of advice, take care of yourself. I really, really mean it. Not to rain on your parade or whatever but I don’t know, maybe I am just worried. Or maybe overreacting. Well, it’s your life kan? I have absolutely no authority over that. Okay moving on, my feelings tell me that maybe you still feel guilty about what happened between us, and for that I would like to say to you, please don’t. I acknowledged it was both our faults and we’re cool.

Maybe this is why I am not ready to be in a relationship yet.

Maybe because of you.

Anyways, I will always pray for your health and success. I always did.

Hope you’ll lead a happier life without me.

Even if I already know that this letter will never find you, I am just happy to be able to write it.

Goodbye, farewell.

Written by:

Ice Bear

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